Blog Post One

On Winter, Gratefulness, and Creativity 

Jan 21

Winter, the season of rest. Of new beginnings. Of cold days. Long nights… As I am granted more time to myself during this slower season, I can give my thoughts more space to flow with creative ideas and insights. Although the darkness and cold bring feelings of hibernation, it is also the dawn of new opportunities and ideas. In many spiritual traditions, the dark is known to be the birthplace of creation and endless possibilities. 

My general motivation is definitely a bit low during this time, but the slower days make me more aware of the creative ideas that have been waiting patiently to be brought to fruition. Starting a blog was one of those ideas that danced into my consciousness one slow morning. Reminding me, as I was sipping my morning cup of coffee (potentially my second or third) and enjoying my morning reading, of a fun project that I had toyed around with, but never started. As I moved from reading to journaling the urge to seriously consider this new endeavor became stronger. It is something I have considered on and off for awhile now, but intuitively, something about starting now felt right. 

The last time I shared my writing was probably in some college course three and a half years ago. School set us up with such rigid guidelines for writing that it was difficult to find a creative flow with it. Besides a creative writing course I took in my Freshman year, I usually felt that I had to adhere to strict rules in order to get that good grade that superficially tells us how smart, skilled, or intelligent we are. I could criticize the school system more and the restrictions it puts on people’s natural creativity, but I will save that for another day. Putting any writing whatsoever off to the side for a bit of a respite from the demanding days of college essays, a couple years ago, I picked up journaling again. I used it as a creative outlet, as a tool for healing, and to reconnect with deeper parts of myself. At first it was tough to know where to start. What to write about. But I just started putting down whatever came to mind, and the joy of writing flooded back into my soul, just like when I was a young child who would journal for hours on end. 

But now that I am not in some college course with rigid guidelines, and I am not journaling in a private space of my own, it is slightly nerve-wracking to share my free-flow writing in a public sphere. How will people take it? Will they judge my writing? My thoughts? But, with the awareness that I already share my creative work to the public (photography and videography), sometimes it is just about getting it out there. Starting from somewhere and letting that path unfold as you walk it. This deep fear of scrutiny goes for any art form because art is such an intimate part of our spirit. But with my photography and videography, it is almost like I can hide behind my subject. Writing, on the other hand, is more raw. It is a revealing of my inner thoughts, with only a screen to hide behind. And although, as an adult, I have pushed myself to be more extroverted, I think I naturally veer towards a more introverted demeanor in public spaces. I frequently have endless things to say, but wonder, does anyone really care? 

So, this is my gentle nudge to myself, to express what I want to express, even if it is not well-received, liked, or understood. Because that is how we learn. Befriending our fears and insecurities. Walking hand in hand with them through life instead of resisting their threat to our egos. Never putting ourselves or our work out there. And isn’t it fun to just create for the joy of creating? No end goal. And how many of us really engage with the endless creativity life has to offer? We almost lost that part of ourselves in our younger years as children. To just play. 

But I didn’t just reach this conclusion today. Photography was a massive step in facing my deep fears and becoming friends with them instead of being ruled by them. And to this day, this industry challenges me and pushes me to continually re-evaluate my beliefs, insecurities, and fears. To learn how to play again. To get lost in the creative flow and trust the path of my intuition. To just put my work out there no matter what. And to put myself out there and trust that people will want to hire me and support my business. To really look at failure in the face, and still have fun because I am doing something I love. And it isn’t just something you learn once and move on from. It is a continual process every day I wake up to face a new fair or challenge in this industry. But boy when I figure it out, it is a feeling of accomplishment and growth like no other.

My challenge this season is working on being grateful for the slow days and long nights and trusting the gifts that winter brings. That it isn’t a time for rushing or hustling, but deep rest, slowness, and contemplation. This is where my photography tests me in these winter months. Months of slowness. Less work. Less to do. I am in some ways a workaholic and a bit type A. If I am not working on something, sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. My confidence drops. I start to doubt myself. But as I come into my fourth season of pursuing my craft full-time, I am learning the opportunities this time brings and how it is actually a crucial time for the growth of my business and myself. 

In this quiet season, instead of resisting the dark, the cold and the slower weeks, I am practicing being grateful for this space. Where new ideas can emerge and I can take my time to work on the finer details of my business. 

So I sit here behind my laptop at 4pm on a Tuesday in January, wearing my favorite set of pjs. As I look out my apartment window, the trees dormant, a blanket of snow resting  quietly on the ground, and yet another day briskly turning to a dark night, I decide that instead of fighting the cycles of nature, I want to live with the wisdom of the seasons. And I feel a wave of peace rush over me as I submit to the cycle of nature and stop fighting the doubt, fears, and worries that the times of slowness bring. 

But it took some time for me to let go of this resistance. Coming off a very busy work and travel-filled year, the past month has been a tough one for me.  I am also realizing, it is a blessing in disguise to my introverted soul. This season gives us the time to create and work on those projects we have continually put off the entire year. We are always yearning for that point where time slows down. And now we finally have it, and resist it. So instead of dreading yet another dark, cold, and gloomy winter season, I am working at finding the gifts in this deepest part of winter we are currently in. 

I have spent time creating new questionnaires for my business, updating my website, refining my workflow and timelines, reflecting on my social media accounts and goals, brainstorming project ideas and business goals, and reflecting on the past year and the changes I would like to make with my photography and videography. To get ready for a new year and new opportunities. For new paths and projects to emerge. These slow months give us the time to refine our work and our goals. Time to reflect and decide if and what changes we would like to make in our lives, our selves, our work, and our businesses. 

Not only is it beneficial to my business, it is beneficial to my mind, body, and soul. I think I do get a little sad and SAD (seasonal affective disorder), but once I adjust, it becomes a blessing. I can focus on quiet activities that rejuvenate my mind and body. My favorite activities lately have been reading about nature, spirituality, and self-growth, journaling exercises focusing on shadow work and understanding myself better, cooking and baking vegan foods like pestos, bread, cookies, soups (tons of soups right now), and granola. I am even trying out a tarot workbook that my boyfriend got me (I am a total beginner to tarot, but it is actually fun to explore and compliments my daily journaling very nicely). Instead of running out the door, I can spend as long as I want just indulging in these slow, meditative activities. And they bring immense amounts of inner growth, stability, and groundedness to my life. Which as a freelancer and business owner, is extremely crucial to staying level headed and handling the stress of the chaotic lifestyle.

So although I sometimes resist this frigid, dark time of year, I’ve also realized that it is an integral part of building my business and myself. It is the time where I really slow down and refine those small details of my business to make it better. Where I look at what is and isn’t working. And to come up with new creative ideas that help me book more clients and give a better client experience. And it gives me time for projects I’ve always wanted to give a try just for the fun of it, like starting a blog. 

I used to dread the slow season and fear that the work would never come back again. But just like spring and the warm weather, it always picks back up and I am looking forward to that time off or space in between when I can slow down again. So as I realize this pattern of always wanting what is in the future and instead of in the now, I am practicing being so grateful for this break and putting down that resistance to what is, so I can get back into this beautiful present moment that has endless things to offer.  And as much as I have fought and dreaded the winter season I see how that space in the year has been a crucial part to improving my business, my skills, and myself as a person and realized that maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

So I will end this first blog here. Just some free flow writing for this first day. Putting it out there and seeing where the journey takes me. I will probably refine the blog each week, but like all creative processes, you just have to start somewhere. So I hope you all stay warm and take care of yourselves during this deepest time of winter. And remember to look for the gems in each day and each season. In spring and summer it is so easy to be grateful, but this is the time where we are really tested on finding the parts of life that fill our soul and make us feel safe. Maybe finding the extra time for rest or space for yourself during this time. Maybe it is hopping on that project you have always wanted to try out and finally have some free days or free nights. Maybe it is just cooking some yummy soup recipe that you have saved on your phone or in a cookbook. And I encourage you all to share your creative gifts with the world. Even if you don’t think it is any good or no one cares. Because those are the greatest gifts during these seasons. The light of creativity that lessens the heaviness of the darkness. Honoring whatever you are being called to share with the world and to bring some extra warmth and light to these winter months. And once you start to find these little gems, you may even miss the season just a little bit for the gifts only this time of year can bring.